The calendar may say Valentine's Day, but as a new mama, you might be feeling anything but frisky. As moms, we may have come to believe Valentine's Day is no big deal. There's so much going on with the kids—homework, sniffles, play dates, teething, night feedings, tantrums, —who has time to think about attention being lavished on you? It’s especially hard to think of yourself as a sexual being after having a baby.

But experts believe that having the right mindset can put you in the right mood to share some time alone with your partner. After all, 

  • you pushed out a baby. Your man can certainly push himself toward a florist.
  • You wiped butts all year. That deserves a dinner out with candlelight!
  • You grew a human being out of love for your partner, so he can write a poem to profess his undying love for you. 
  • The fact that you spend most evenings in sweatpants, means you deserve the most romantic kiss from your partner.

So for this Valentine's Day, consider these suggestions for putting the zing back into your love life.

  • Set the Mood...Mentally. Stretch marks and leaky boobs got you down? In fact, medical experts say that body image is one of the top reasons women don't want to have sex. To help you get past those negative thoughts, give yourself time to feel good—take a bath, put on a face mask, and listen to soothing music—since the luxury of time is something new mamas don't get enough of.
  • Try Something Novel. Engage in a new experience together. A couple's massage or different atmosphere can spark intimacy for some couples. Who knows? Trying some new lingerie might just help bring the old, sexy you back to life.
  • Yoga Time. Taking a yoga class either by yourself or with your partner helps you remember how to de-stress—the time you spend unwinding will help you feel good and relaxed—and that's a combination that can help get you in the mood.
  • Re-think Date Night. If you can't line up a sitter for Valentine's Day, you can still create a relaxed, romantic evening at home (preferably after your baby is down for the count). Buy a fancy dessert, order your favorite take-out, and talk about something other than Baby.
  • Pencil it in. Putting sex on the books sounds so unsexy, but experts believe the payoff is worth it. So, pencil it in—whenever. 
  • Word Play. Even if you're not up for sex, it's important to let your honey know that he's important to you. Send a loving text, offer a back rub, or reminisce about your first date. 

How Can Mr. Husband Help Her Get in the Mood

It's no secret that men don't always know the best gifts to buy for their women on Valentine's Day. The problem becomes even more complicated once you become parents. A new baby doesn't always put mom in the mood for romance. So, plan something to make her feel special and celebrate a perfect Valentine even if she is too tired to sit through a seven-course dinner at a fancy restaurant. So consider these Valentine's Day gift ideas instead of the traditional trappings of the holiday.

  • Instead of lingerie... Tiny lace panties may not be the best gift for a new mom who is trying to lose baby weight. Instead, gift her with PJ's that are comfy and sexy so she can feel good about herself.
  • Instead of cooking her dinner... Take her out! She is stuck at home with the baby and would probably love a night out. If she either can't be or doesn't want to be away from your little one for too long, make it just a quick bite or even dessert.
  • Instead of a manicure... Her nails won't last while taking care of the baby. Between bathing the baby and doing load after load of laundry, the polish will chip within a day. The gift of a massage is definitely better. 
  • Instead of chocolates... As a new mom, she doesn't want extra sweets hanging around when trying to shed those last extra pounds. Instead, buy her a bag of really good coffee that she can make at home. 
  • Instead of wine... Buy her an assortment of bath products so that she could take a relaxing bubble bath after she went down at night.
  • Instead of a new puppy or kitten... A new mommy doesn't need someone else to take care of. Step away from the pet shop and head to the keepsake boutique. Look for a cute trinket to commemorate your lady's first Valentine's Day as a mom, perhaps a locket with the baby's picture inside or a small statuette of a mother cradling her baby.